We like the idea of being loved no matter what, no matter what we deserve or don't deserve.  In fact many of us will never do anything that bad so why should we care?  We will care if we fall for the religious notion that we have done awful things to the God who loves us and even nailed his son to the cross by our sins.  We will care if we think there is a God.  We fear the idea that some being makes all and rules all so we deal with it by saying he loves us no matter what. 

Unconditional love is what people want from you and too often it is because they want you to be their doormat.  Unconditional love seems a lofty elevated evolved concept but in fact for most they mean unconditional liking by it.  They define it as being liked at all times and no matter what but in fact real conditional love does what is best for the other even if you at the present time feel terrible dislike and even hate.  A culture where people want to be liked too much will fail.  Nobody will see anybody else as being real or themselves.

Unconditional love is a huge thing in people's consciousness. But how useful is the idea? This love by asking you to think of the person, not what kind of person they are, is asking you to abuse yourself by silencing the messages your mind sends you when it makes you feel resentful, afraid or angry about somebody's behaviour towards you. It is frankly extreme if you really will love a person who murders the whole neighbourhood just the same as if they were a saint and without that love changing or lessening. It is not natural to be unaffected by what another does especially then. Unconditional love is so hard that it will make you unhappy for you will fail. It also sets you up to fail and fail big. It will make you sacrifice and destroy yourself for another. Also it is silencing something that is trying to protect you by diagnosing a problem or making you aware. You need boundaries to be safe and unconditional love is trying to hammer them down. The idea of excellent love is better than unconditional love. it means you are aware of the dangers but protect yourself but don't give up on the person. You affirm your right to keep the boundaries you need and which often take you years to create.

Unconditional love is turned into an ideal and attraction for I want to be loved unconditionally. But that is selfish for the reasons given. Also, the spiritual culture brainwashes us to feel we are evil if we do not love like that.

Unconditional love tends to claim that rules don't matter but people do or that the rule should go if it stops you helping somebody.  Secularists and the unconditional love brigade tend to be consequentialists with regard to morality.  Consequentialism is not about getting people to start with moral rules but goals, moral goals. For example, in a hypothetical world - for now! -  they may kill person x to get their organs to save the lives of ten people. They see the goal as good. But a moral person will see this as immoral for it was all about the goal when the rule in fact should matter. Or another way to put this it's not just about the rule but about the dignity of the person x. A rule to dignify person x shows how rules and respect can be combined and co-dependent.  They point out it makes no sense to say that anybody matters if you see x just as a thing you can harvest organs from.  They point out that it does not show a truly respectful view of the persons helped.  They point out that it is just do-gooders trying to feel they are good and that is all that matters not being really good.

Consequentialism means that there is no ethical difference if you kill nasty John and good Jimmy as long as the good results are the same. Others would say that if some force possessed you to kill, it is better if John is killed than Jimmy. [They are not advocating murder.  They are talking about what is best if you lose control.].  Now if they say they love unconditionally why are they not tossing a coin?  If what John or Jimmy did does not count for all they should get is love then that is clearly the only option.  Notice how it is soul-destroying.  If you are John know what you do is good for others you will feel unappreciated if the unconditional love brigade are taking no account of it.

Christian doctrine is that God does not fear your sins AT ALL. The doctrine of God's unconditional love does not mean that he refuses to even notice or care about your sins but that he waits for you to repent and will forgive generously when you want to put them away. He just as good as forgets the bad past ever happened.  The doctrine says God’s children must have the same outlook and embody God in themselves by being as forgiving as he is. They have to embrace the person who says they have sought forgiveness from God.

Now that is fine if God really is in charge and really has forgiven.  If you are not very convinced then the whole scheme will fail.  Also it is harmful if there is no God.  Imagine if Tony Blair who was responsible for killing innocent people has been given a redemption that is in fact only in his head and not real.  There is no God to really fix the situation.  The dead are still dead.  The maimed are still maimed and we are regarding him as fixed by God so that it is about healing now.  The healing needs to be real otherwise there is no healing and we are accepting a person who should not be accepted.

The gospel of unconditional love is just a collection of manipulative tactics. Deception. Withholding emotional support. Guilt tripping. Judging. That is what that gospel is doing to you no matter how good it is for the other. And the love you have for the other is odd when you are setting that person an example to let the same abuse happen to them in the name of love.

If unconditional love is bad for us it is bad if it is what others believe in and it is extremely bad if it is what God is about  God could create beings that do not need him emotionally. But he does. Is this not like the evil partner telling their mate, "You are so insecure and needy. Look how you need me. You are helpless without me."

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