Me too! How saying that can ruin your listening
skills
A person tells you about some awful experience they had or are having. You may
say, "That happened to me too! Here is my story." That is as bad as telling them
you know how they feel for you do not. We have the feelings we have for
ultimately very complex and different reasons.
No two traumas are ever the same. They may only seem the same. People react
differently to the same things.
If you start going on about your story you miss the point. You risk making
putting the other person off. You risk forcing them not to share with you for
you have jumped in with your story. Telling your story will not necessarily help
them. They will feel dismissed. They may feel preached at. Help them learn
through their story not yours.
You are telling the story in order to create rapport. But it is the wrong way to
go about it.
Emotional mirroring is a marvellous technique for probing a person to see if
what they say comes from the heart or from some kind of pain they have endured.
Become a mirror in which the person can look to see their pain. Try to show the
person talking to you that you have listened and tried to feel like they feel.
Answer feelings with feelings and facts with facts.
If a person shows anger you may say, "You are angry aren't you? Do you want to
tell me anything about it?"